best of both world? its a myth.

guess what?

the worst thing had happened.

I had to choose.

between Band or Pps.

its something that makes me felt down and just  lay my head down on the desk, keep quiet

and just  kept wondering the whole day.

its not just about me, where i want to be

its about people's trust on me.

its about other people.

those people is making it sooo hard for me to make desicion.

i never had a second to think about myself.

NOT AT ALL.

those  thing just  came out in my mind ,

she's gonna hate me

she's gonna say that im a betrayal

she's gonna say im dumb

she's gonna think that im just fooling around.

u guys think its easy, trust me, its not!

i have wait for years to join the secondary school band, 

its a passion i had.

and u expect me to quit?

but the most important thing is that i had kept a promise to someone

saying that, I WILL NEVER QUIT BAND.

i guess i fell into my own words this time.

and pps, 

somehow theres an interest in me towards it.

i felt sincere doing my work and stuffs. i never feel like its a burden.

and dreamt  that if 1 day i will be wearing those blue coats.

dont know,  guess that will never happen.

and  the fact that those seniors might get the wrong idea of this whole thing,

makes it harder.

idk idk idk idk idk.

its like so unfair.

the phrase BEST OF BOTH WORLD?

i guess its all fairytale!

i know i can divide my time.

but i dont get the chance to prove it...

to make it clear THIS IS NOT EASY.

the problem is I AM INVOLVED ALREADY!

i've gone to far to stop.

i even took the decision to quit tuition for all these! 

alliknowisthissounfairformetochoose.

pplaregonnagetthewrongideaofme.

=(

i am begging for people to understand what im facing.

its not that easy.
farewell,